The Goonies - Wikiquote (2024)

The Goonies is a 1985 film about a group of children who go off in search of pirate treasure.

Directed by Richard Donner. Written by Steven Spielberg and Chris Columbus.

The pirates map, The villainous crooks, The underground caverns, The booby traps, the skeletons, The monster, the lost treasure, and the magic that is... THE GOONIES taglines

Contents

  • 1 Mikey
  • 2 Brand
  • 3 Andi
  • 4 Mouth
  • 5 Stef
  • 6 Data
  • 7 Chunk (Lawrence)
  • 8 Sloth
  • 9 Dialogue
  • 10 Taglines
  • 11 Cast
  • 12 External links

Mikey

[edit]

  • [first lines] Bummer. Nothing exciting ever happens around here anyway. Who needs the Goon Docks? Who needs this house? I can't wait to get out of here.
  • [after Chunk glued the David statue's penis piece on upside down] Oh, you idiot. You glued it on upside down!
  • You guys, just what if this map can lead to One-Eyed Willy's rich stuff? Then we won't have to leave the Goon Docks.
  • If I found One-Eyed Willy's rich stuff, I'd pay all my dad's bills. Then maybe he could get to sleep at night, instead of sitting up trying to figure out a way for all of us to stay here.
  • If we don't something now, there's gonna be a golf course right where we're standing.
  • [as Mouth deflates the new tires on Brand's bike] It took him 376 lawnmower jobs to pay for that. It's his most favorite thing in the world.
  • [referring to Sloth] I swear on my life, they've got it. An It! A giant It! They got it chained to the wall! When it came into the light, it was all gross and distorted. The parts were all mixed around.
  • Come on, Brand, please. What if we find something? A couple more minutes isn't gonna hurt.
  • It all starts here.
  • Chester Copperpot! Don't you guys see? Don't you realize? He was a pro! He never made it this far. Look how far we've come. We've got a chance!
  • [Under the Moss Garden Wishing Well convincing his friends stay with him rather than abandoning the adventure] The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the bestest stuff for us. But right now they gotta do what's right for them, 'cause it's their time. Their time, up there. Down here it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.
  • Goonies never say die!
  • You know something, Willy? You're the first Goonie.
  • We can't leave all that gold. That's our future.
  • Oh, who needs it? [throws his inhaler aside]
  • [to his father] We had our hands on the future, but we gave it up just to save our own lives.
  • [to his father after Rosalita finds the jewels his marble bag] Dad, it's my marble bag! The Fratellis forgot to check it! I emptied out the marbles and put the jewels in it! We don't have to leave the Goon Docks!
  • [last lines, watching One-Eyed Willy's ship, the Inferno, sailing away] Bye, Willy. Thanks.
  • [after Chunk glued the penis piece upside down on the mini replica of Michelangelo's David] Dork. If God made you do it that way, you'd all be pissin' in your faces.
  • [while Mikey tells the story of One-Eyed Willy] You sound just as corny as Dad does.
  • Forget about any adventures, limp lungs. If I let you out, mom will ground my ass and I got a date with Andi on Friday.
  • I am gonna hit you all so hard that when you wake up, your clothes will be out of style!
  • Why couldn't I have a sister? A little sister instead of that?
  • [discovering that the Fratellis have been making counterfeit money] Hold on. Quiet! They're fake, they're bogus. They're phony, they're phony!

Andi

[edit]

  • I'm not a Goonie. I wanna go home.
  • [after playing an incorrect note on a bone organ and causing a partial floor collapse] I hit a wrong note. I'm not Liberace you know!
  • [after kissing Mikey] Does Brand wear braces?
  • [to Mama Fratelli] You gross old witch!
  • Can I take piano lessons?
  • Brand, what happened to your braces?

Mouth

[edit]

  • [to Steph] Your looks are kinda pretty, when your face isn't screwing it up.
  • Yeah, but you know what? [holds up a coin] This one, this one right here... this was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm takin' it back. I'm takin' 'em all back.
  • What is this? A nuclear Saturday or something? Come on, guys. This is our last weekend together. Our last Goonie weekend. We gotta be goin' out in style. Cruisin' the coast, sniffin' some lace, downin' the brews, but noooo! One older brother had to go and screw it up. By flunking your driver's test? I don't know what to do with you kid.
  • Reverse PRESSURE!
  • Jerk Alert!
  • [finding something on the Inferno that Mikey thinks he can translate] Ah, translate nothing! It's just a sketch of the old cannonball chamber!

Stef

[edit]

  • [to Andi, about kissing Mikey] Next time, kiss with your eyes open. It's a whole different experience!
  • This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.
  • I lost my glasses.
  • [to Mouth] Your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.
  • [to Andi] COME ON, come on! Where are you? You're in the clouds and we are in a basem*nt!
  • [after finding a load of coins on the ground; Mouth thinks one shows Martin Sheen] Martin Sheen? That's President Kennedy, you idiot! [Mouth: Well, same difference! I mean, he played Kennedy once.] Oh, that's really smart. I'm glad you're using your brain. [Mouth: Yeah, well at least I have a brain!] You're so stupid, Mouth. [Mouth: Oh, yeah?] Yes. Shut up!
  • Brand, God put that rock there for a purpose... and, um... I'm not so sure you should, um... move it...

Data

[edit]

  • Pinchers of Peril! Hey guys, I've been saved by my Pinchers of Peril!
  • Fifty Dollar Bill!!!
  • Holy S-H-I-T!
  • That's what I said, booty traps!
  • Data's quite tired of falling, and Data's tired of skeletons!

Chunk (Lawrence)

[edit]

  • Hey, Mike found a map.
  • I don't wanna go on any more of your crazy Goonie adventures.
  • Oh, God, am I depressed.
  • [finding the Fratellis' Jeep in the garage] ORV. [notices some bullet holes] Bullet holes. [shocked in horror] Bullet holes?!
  • Mikey, this ain't the kinda place you wanna go to the bathroom in. [Mama Fratelli: Why not?] Because they might have daddy longlegs in 'em.
  • See you guys, you never listen to me. I said there was gonna be trouble, but you didn't listen to me. You guys are crazy. You know you guys are self-destructive. There's a funny farm that has your names written all over it! But I'm gettin' outta here. But... I smell ice cream.
  • [opens the freezer to see a dead FBI agent] It's a STIFF!
  • [Chunk is stuck in the freezer with a dead FBI agent] Guys, I'm stuck with the stiff! He's in here! [the dead body falls on him; he tries to prop the body back up] Stay. Stay. Guys, come here! He's in here! [the dead body falls on him again]
  • I'm not kidding! LOOK IN THE WINDOW!
  • I like the dark, I love the dark. But I hate nature, I hate nature!
  • [after finding somebody he thinks can help him] Look, mister, I need a ride. My friends and I just had a run-in with these really disgusting people, you might've heard of 'em, the Fratellis. We found their hideout. Could you please, please take me to the sheriff's station? I can describe all three of them. [the driver turns out to be Jake Fratelli]
  • We went over to Mikey's dad's place, and we found a map that said that underneath this place there's buried treasure.
  • Everything. Okay, I'll talk. In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edith down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... [sobbing] Then my mom sent me to a summer camp for fat kids. And then, once during lunch, I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out! But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed up fake puke at home, and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: [starts imitating vomiting sounds] - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started gettin' sick and throwin' up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
  • [when the Fratellis are overrun by bats accidentally released by Brand] Hey, Mikey, if you can hear me, RUN! RUN! They're comin' after you!
  • [meeting Sloth for the first time] H-H-Hi, sir. My name's Lawrence. Sometimes people call me Chunk.
  • Geez, mister. You're even hungrier than I am.
  • Captain Chunk says, let's get the hell out of here!
  • [introducing Sloth to his friends] Sloth, this is the guys. Guys, this is Sloth.
  • [pointing the Sheriff to the Fratellis while protecting Sloth] These are the bad guys! Those are the bad guys!
  • Sloth. You're gonna live with me now. I'm gonna take care of ya. 'Cause I love ya.

Sloth

[edit]

  • Chocolate!
  • Ruth, Ruth, Ruth! Baby Ruth!
  • Rocky Road.
  • H E Y Y O U G U Y S!!!
  • Ma, you've been bad!
  • Sloth love Chunk!

Dialogue

[edit]

[Chunk is at an arcade near a freeway. He sees the Fratellis being chased by the police.]
Chunk: Oh wow, a police chase! [He goes up to the window] With bullets! [pushes up against the window smeared by a slice of pizza, causing his milkshake to splatter all over his face; angered] Aw, sh*t!
Chunk: Listen, okay. You guys will never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!
Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson came over to your house to use the bathroom?
Brand: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?
Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's pizza, right?
Chunk: Okay, Brand, Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.
[Data puts a cassette tape saying "007" in boombox.]
Data: 'Kay, Data, don't mess this one up, and prepare for the Wings of Flight! [swings toward the Goon Docks as the James Bond theme music plays in the background]
Mikey: [notices Data] Uh-oh! Screen door! [to Mouth] Open the screen door!
Data: Mikey! The screen door! [Data crashes through it, knocking everybody over]
Chunk: [after catching statue of Michelangelo's David] Hey, I bet you guys thought I was gonna drop it, huh? [chuckles] I knew you would think that from good ol' Chunk. [accidentally lets the statue fall]
Brand: [shocked and angry] You idiot!
Mikey: [alarmed] Oh, my God!
Chunk: [as Mikey picks up the statue] Look, it's not broken. It's perfect! It's per-
Mikey: [notices the statue's missing penis; drops inhaler in shock] Oh, my GOD!
Chunk: What? What?
Mikey: That's my mom's most favorite piece!
Chunk: What?
Mikey: Ohh! [picks up the penis piece, trying to put it back on]
Chunk: [laughs] Oh, my God!
Mouth: You wouldn't be here if it wasn't.
Mikey: Shut up, Mouth!
Brand: Shut up, Mouth.
Data: Hey, any of you guys ever hear of Detroit?
Mikey: No.
Mouth: Soitenly. Where Motown started. Also, it's got the highest murder rate in the country.
Data: Well, let me tell you what. That's where we're moving when we lose our house tomorrow.
Mikey: You shut up about that stuff, it'll never happen; My dad will fix it.
Brand: [sarcastically] Yeah, sure he will. If he gets his next 400 paychecks by tomorrow afternoon. (Which is impossible.)
Mikey: [shooting down Brand's sarcasm] That's wrong, Brand! It won't happen!
Mrs. Walsh: Pants and shirts are in the second. Just throw them all into cardboard boxes. Forget the suitcases. Clark, can you translate all of that?
Mouth: Why, certainly, Mrs. Walsh.
Mrs. Walsh: That's wonderful.
Mouth: [to Rosalita; in Spanish] The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed in the second. The heroin in the bottom. Always separate the drugs.
[Meanwhile, Chunk has glued the statue's penis piece on upside down]
Chunk: Look, how's that? How's that?
Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside down!
Brand: [disgusted] Dork, if God made you do it that way you'd all be pissing in your faces!
Chunk: Looks fine to me.
Mrs. Walsh: Now Rosalita, this is the attic. Mr. Walsh doesn't like anybody up here, ever. I guess that's why it's always open.
Mouth: [to Rosalita; in Spanish] Never go up there. It's filled with Mr. Walsh's SEXUAL TORTURE DEVICES.
Mrs. Walsh: This is my supply closet. You'll find everything you need, brooms, dustpans, insect spray. I would really like the house clean when they tear it down. Clark, can you translate?
Mouth: [to Rosalita; in Spanish] If you do a bad job, you'll be locked in here with the co*ckroaches, for two weeks without food and water.
Mrs. Walsh: Okay, Rosie? Okay? You're going to be very happy here. Come on, Clark, we've got much more to do. You're so fluent in languages!
Rosalita: [in Spanish] My God, I'm in a crazy house!
Mrs. Walsh: You're so fluent in Spanish. That was so nice of you.
Mouth: "Nice" is my middle name, Mrs. Walsh.
Mrs. Walsh: Boys, I'm taking Rosalita to the supermarket and I'll be back in about an hour. Mikey, I want you kept inside. Brand, if he's coming down with asthma, I don't want him out in the rain.
Brand: He should be put in a plastic bubble.
Mrs. Walsh: [smacks Brand] I'm serious, Brandon. That's not funny. He takes one step outside and you are in deep, absolutely the deepest sh--
Brand: sh*t, Mom.
Mrs. Walsh: [smacks him again] I don't like that language. But that's exactly what you're going to be in. [turns to Data] And you, Däta--
Data: Data.
Mrs. Walsh: Data. Okay. Use the back door from now on.
Data: Okay.
Mrs. Walsh: [points to the table] What is that?
Chunk: Oh, sh*t. What?
Mrs. Walsh: What is that? [points to potato chip crumbs on table] That is a mess. I want that cleaned up, boys.
Chunk: Oh-ho, yeah. Sure. Sure, yeah.
Mrs. Walsh: One hour, boys. Then I'll be back. Bye, baby. [gives Mikey a kiss] Rosie?
Mouth: Bye, Mrs. Walsh.
Chunk: Bye.
Mouth: [to Rosalita in raspy voice] Adios, señorita!
Brand: Bye, Mom.
Chunk: Hey, Mike found a map. Look, look, look. That says 1632. Is that a year or something?
Mouth: No, it's your top score on Pole Position.
Mikey: Yes, it's a year, Chunk. Look, Data, it's a map of out coastline.
Brand: What's all that Spanish junk right there?
Mikey: Uh… Mouth, Mouth, you said you could translate. Translate, right here.
Chunk: Yeah, translate it.
Mouth: [translating the text] "Ye intruders beware. Crushing death and grief, soaked with blood of the trespassing thief."
Brand: You guys, this map is old news. Everybody and their grandfather went looking for that. When our parents were our age. I mean, I mean… Haven't you ever heard of that guy, what's his name? The pirate guy. One-Eyed Willy.
Mikey: [hearing that name before; whispers] One-Eyed Willy. [remembers] One-Eyed Willy! Yeah, he was the most famous pirate in his time! My dad told me all about him once.
Brand: Dad will do anything to get you to go to sleep.
Mikey: No. See, One-Eyed Willy stole a treasure once. It was full of rubies, and emeralds, and...
Chunk: Diamonds?
Mikey: And diamonds. Then he loaded it all up onto his ship and they sailed away into the sunset. Until the British King, see, he found out about it and then he set up this whole armada to go out after him, then the armada, they... It took them a couple weeks, but then they caught up with Willy, and, and then there was a whole, big war between the armada and Willy's ship, the Inferno, and during the firefight there was these guns bursting here and cannons bursting there, and then Willy fled, 'cause he didn't want to stay around, 'cause he knew he'd get killed if he stayed around. And then he got into this cave, and then the British, they blew up the walls all around him. And he got caved in, and he's been there ever since.
Data: Forever?
Mikey: Forever.
Chunk: And ever?
Mikey: Trapped.
Chunk: Wow!
Brand: You sound just as corny as Dad does.
Mikey: My dad tells me the truth. You know what he said? He told me that One-Eyed Willy and his bunch were down there for five-six years. And they were digging all these tunnels, and caves… Setting booty traps...
Data: Booby traps.
Mikey: That's what I said. Setting booby traps, so that anybody who tried to get in there would die. And then do you know what he did? He killed all of his men.
Data: Why?
Chunk: Why'd he kill all of them?
Mikey: Because he didn't want them to get to his treasure.
Chunk: Yeah, wait a minute, Mikey. But if he killed all his men, how did the map or the story get out?
Mikey: See, I asked my dad the same question. He said one of the guys must have gotten out with the map, and, and the...
Chunk: Hey, Mike, I believe you.
Mouth: Yeah, well I don't believe you. I don't believe you at all. I think you're full of it. I think...
Brand: [as Chunk tips over and finds another frame that's containing an old news article] Chunk, what'd you break this time, Chunk?
Chunk: Hey, you guys, look at this. Hey, you guys ever heard of this guy? Chester Copperpot? Look what it says. [reading] "Chester Copperpot. Missing while in pursuit of local legend. Reclusive scavenger claims, 'I have the key to One-Eyed Willy.'"
Mikey: Whoa, do you guys realize what we could do?
Brand: Nobody ever found nothing, you guys. I mean, why do you think this map would be up here in this attic when it could be in some safety-deposit box somewhere, right?
Mouth: That's right. And anyway, if Chester Copperpot didn't find it, how would we find it?
Mikey: But what if? You guys, just what if this map can lead to One-Eyed Willy's rich stuff?
Data: Maybe.
Mikey: Then we won't have to leave the Goon Docks. Come on.
Data: I don't wanna leave.
Chunk: Come on, Mikey. I don't wanna go on any more of your crazy Goonie adventures.
Mouth: Señor jerk alert.
Brand: Can I help you?
Mr. Perkins: Hello, little guys. I'm Mr. Perkins, Troy's father.
Data: We know who Troy is, he's a cheap guy!
Brand: My dad's not home, Mr. Perkins.
Mr. Perkins: Is your mommy here?
Brand: [sarcastic tone] No, sir, actually she's down at the market buying Pampers for all us kids.
Mr. Perkins: [faked laughter] Papers, Joe. You can give these papers to your father to read through and sign. We'll be by to pick them up in the morning.
Brand: Thank you.
Mr. Perkins: Thank you.
Mikey: Hey, what is all that sh*t?
Brand: It's Dad's business.
Mikey: But what is it?
Brand: I told you, it was Dad's business. Look at 'em smiling.
Data: They can't wait until tomorrow when they foreclose on all the whatever you call it!
Mouth: And trash the Goon Docks...
Brand: When they wreck our house, I hope they make it a sand trap.
Mikey: And never get their balls out!
Chunk: You know, I think they made me lose my appetite.
Chunk: [pulls out a can of whipped cream from the fridge] Oh, God, am I depressed.
Mikey: If I found One-Eyed Willy's rich stuff, I'd pay all my Dad's bills. Then maybe he could get to sleep at night, instead of sitting up trying to figure out a way for all of us to stay here.
Data: Yeah, me too.
Mouth: Me three.
Chunk: Me four.
Brand: Forget about any adventures, limp lungs. If I'd let you out, my mom will ground my ass and I got a date with Andy on Friday, alright?
Mouth: [sitting on the counter in the sink] You're dreaming, dude. There's no way, 'cause that means her mom's gotta drive. Then you gotta make it with her and her mom.
Brand: Shut up, Mouth.
Mikey: Shut up, Mouth.
Mouth: Shut up, Data. [Brand annoyingly turns on the faucet of the sink; screams as his pants get soaking wet] Jesus!
Mikey: [takes out the map and opens it up] Guys, what are we gonna do about that country club? It's killing our parents. If we don't something now, there's gonna be a golf course right where we're standing.
[The four boys race out of the house and to their bikes after trapping Brand to the chair with his chest exerciser; Mouth starts deflating the new tires on Brand's bike]
Mikey: What are you doing? It took him 376 lawnmower jobs to pay for that. It's his most favorite thing in the world.
Mouth: Now it's his most flattest thing in the world. Let's go!
Mikey: [as Chunk is trying to get some words out] What is it? What, what is it? Spit it out.
Chunk: You guys, if we don't get out of here soon, there's gonna be some… [quietly] hostage crisis. Out in the garage, ORV, four-wheel drive, bullet holes the size of matzo ba…
Mouth: [covers Chunk's mouth, shutting him up] Chunk, I'm starting to O.D. on all your bullsh*t stories.
Mikey: Where's the men's restroom, please?
Mama Fratelli: Can't you hold it?
Mikey: No.
Chunk: Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you wanna go to the bathroom in.
Mama Fratelli: Why not?
Chunk: Because they might have daddy longlegs in them.
Mikey: But I gotta go to the bathroom.
Chunk: Or dead things, Mikey, dead things.
[The gang walk downstairs and get startled when they hear a growling sound]
Stef: Chunk, I hope that was your stomach.
Mikey: No. That's the It.
Chunk: Sounds like Kong.
Mikey: Part of it's human. Come on. Wanna see it? Don't worry. It's chained to the wall.
Andy: Brand is being so sweet to me.
Stef: Oh, come on. Come on! Where are you? You're in the clouds and we are in a basem*nt!
Stef: [takes a news article off the wall with a headline reading: "FRATELLI'S AT IT AGAIN" and has their pictures beneath] You guys, I recognize these people!
Brand: Look at it. It's the Fratellis.
Data: Hey. That's the guy from upstairs.
Mikey: And the guy who tried to sing.
Chunk: See you guys, you never listen to me. I said there was gonna be trouble, but you didn't listen to me. You guys are crazy. You know you guys are self-destructive. There's a funny farm that has your names written all over it! [turns around and starts to leave] But I'm getting out of here. But... [stops when he smells something] I smell ice cream. [walks to a nearby walk-in freezer, turns on the light, and looks through the window] They got Swensen's. [opens the door, finding containers of ice cream] Oh, look, they got Pralines and Cream, and they got Mississippi Mud, and they got Chocolate Eruption! And they got Apple. Oh, and they got Grape. They got Grape, and Super-Duper Chocolate Eruption and… [notices his friends staring at something else in the freezer, all hanging their mouths open] What? What? [turns around and notices a dead man's body, screams fearfully and backs out of the freezer in terror; the body falls to them and they all catch it] It's a STIFF!
Jake: Ma, he's eating my pepperoni again.
Francis: [pulls out his gun and aims it at him] You want your pepperoni? Huh?! [throws a piece of pizza at him]
Jake: [pulls out his gun] Come on! Come on! Let's kill each other over the pepperoni!
Mama Fratelli: Jake, put that gun away! I said, put that gun away now!
Jake: You always take his side, mama, you always liked him better than me
Mama Fratelli: [smacks him in the face] That's right!
Mama Fratelli: Now, tell me where your other little friends are.
Chunk: In the fireplace.
Mama Fratelli: Don't lie to me!
Chunk: Honestly, we went over to Mikey's dad's place, and we found a map that said that underneath this place there's buried treasure.
Jake: Come on, don't give us none of your bullsh*t stories, huh?
Francis: Hey, kid. I want you to spill your guts. Tell us everything.
Chunk: Everything?
Francis: Everything.
Chunk: Everything. Okay, I'll talk. In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edith down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...
Data: He's dead for sure. I think he's Chester Copperpot.
Mouth: Chester who?
Mikey & Brand: Who?
Data: Don't you guys remember? From the attic? The news article.
Mikey: [remembers] Oh, the news article, right.
Data: See, they said the last guy who went looking for the rich stuff...they say he went in, but he never came back out. But see, that was like back in 1935. Oh, God, if he didn't make it out, and he was supposed to be an expert, what about us guys? How are we going to get out of here, huh?
[Stef is nearly calming down Andy]
Stef: Don't worry about it. Just calm down.
Andy: You sure?
Stef: Positive.
Andy: How are we going to get out?
Mikey: [unsure] We can't be sure it's Chester Copperpot.
Data: I know it's him. I know, I read the article.
Brand: I bet his ID's in his wallet. Mouth, get his wallet.
Mikey: [finds an old baseball card of…] "Lou Gehrig?"
Mouth: You get it, Mikey!
Brand: Mouth, come on.
Data: Mikey, get it.
Brand: Get his wallet.
Mikey: [takes out the wallet and reads the ID] It is Chester Copperpot. [shows them the proof]
Brand: Oh, God. Come on.
Data: See? I told you.
Mouth: We're all gonna get killed, too.
Chunk: But the worst thing I ever done — I mixed all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then… then, I made a noise like this. [imitates vomiting sounds] And…and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Jake: [patting Chunk's shoulder as he likes all of his stories] I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma.
Mama Fratelli: [now officially impatient] Hit purée!
Chunk: No! I'm too young! No! I wanna play the violin! Not my hand!
[The Goonies have entered a cave that turns out to be the bottom of the local wishing well, and Mouth is perusing the coins]
Data: Hey Mouth, What year was that map made?.
Mouth: Oh I don't know, probably a couple hundred years before, uh... President Lincoln, George Washington, uh, Martin Sheen--
Stef: "Martin Sheen"?! That's President (John F.) Kennedy, you idiot!
Mouth: Well, same difference! I mean, he played Kennedy once!
Stef: Oh, that's really smart I'm glad to know you're using your brain!
Mouth: Yeah, well, at least I have a brain!
Stef: So stupid, Mouth!
Mouth: OH, YEAH?!
Stef: Yes. SHUT UP! Wait a minute, wait a minute. This isn't gold. This is a wishing well. Look. Look.
Brand: Hey, you guys, it must be the Old Mossgarden Wishing Well.
Andy: You know, I always used to believe that when you threw your money in, it turned into your wish.
Mikey: You take that coin, and I'll take two coins. I'll take all your coins and you won't get any.
Data: Hey, that's not fair.
Stef: Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Stop.
Data: Why?
Stef: You can't do this.
Data: Why?
Mikey: Why?
Stef: Because, these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams.
Mouth: [holding up a coin] Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here, this was my dream, my wish, and it didn't come true. So I'm takin' it back. I'm takin' 'em all back.
Jake: You know, Ma, maybe we should keep him alive, just in case, uh, he isn't lying.
Mama Fratelli: Good idea, Jake. Put him in with your brother.
Jake: Okay, Ma. Come on, kid. [the doubloon falls from Chunk's pocket and onto the floor] You drop something?
Mama Fratelli: [as Francis picks it up] What's that? What's that, a Cracker Jack prize?
Francis: Holy sh*t!
Chunk: We found it on the map. It's got something to do with the buried treasure.
Francis: Jake, look at the date on it.
Jake: This is authentic. Ma, this is a doubloon!
Mama Fratelli: Give it to me.
Chunk: [scarfing on ice cream] I told you so! See, you guys? You never believed me. I said there was gonna be buried... [Jake takes the ice cream out of his hands]
Chunk: [on the phone with the sheriff] Hello, Sheriff? I'm at the Lighthouse Lounge, and I want to report, well, a murder.
Sheriff: Wait a minute, wait a minute, just hold on here. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Chunk: Sheriff, look, this time I'm telling you the truth. I'm locked inside the Fratellis' basem*nt with this guy.
Sloth: [getting ice cream from the freezer and smiles] Heh-heh, Rocky Road? Heh-heh.
Sheriff: Like the time you told me about the 50 Iranian terrorists who took over all the Sizzler Steakhouses in the city?
Chunk: [to Sloth] Sloth, get back here. Hold on. Sloth, what are you doing?
Sheriff: Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?
Mikey: Pee break! Who's gotta go? [they all raise their hands] Okay, this is the little boys' room, and that cave over there is the little girls' room. [Brand enters a third cave] Brand, where are you going?
Brand: This is the "men's room".
[Mouth and Data look at each other, smile, and follow Brand into the cave]
Andy: Brand? Hurry, I'm in here. [singsong voice] With my eyes closed.
[Mikey fumbles around. Andi grabs him and passionately kisses him. Stef sees this, and quietly laughs and then goes away. Mikey goes the wrong direction.]
Stef: Wrong way, lover-boy, it's this way.
Mikey: [lovestruck] Thanks.
Stef: Uh-huh. [Mikey leaves; to Andi] Okay, you kissed. Now tell.
Andy: There's something weird.
Stef: What? What is it?
Andy: Does Brand wear braces? [Stef guffaws] Why are you laughing? Stef, it was beautiful.
Stef: Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It's a whole different experience.
Andy: Ah, be careful around here, there's a hole I think. I think Brand was standing in it.
Andy: I can't tell... if it's an "A sharp" or if it's a "B flat"!
Mikey: [nervous chuckle] If you hit the wrong note, we'll all be flat!
Mikey: Mouth, translate.
Brand: What'd you guys find, huh?
Mouth: Ah, translate nothing! It's just a sketch of the old cannonball chamber. WHERE'S THE GOLD?!
Stef: Where's the gold, Mikey?!
Mikey: Hi, Willy. Oh, I'm Mike Walsh. You've been expecting me, haven't you? Well, I made it. I beat you. I got here in one piece... so far. [lifts up Willy's patch, exposing bare bone rather than an eye socket] So... that's why they call you "One-Eyed Willy"... One-Eyed Willy. [takes a breath from his inhaler] We have a lot in common, huh, Willy? You know something, Willy? You're the first Goonie. [turns and sees his brother and his friends have shown up] Oh. Hi guys. How's it going? This is Willy. One-Eyed Willy. Say hi, Willy. Those are my friends. The Goonies. How long have you guys been standing there?
Brand: Long enough, Mikey. Long enough.
Mikey: What are you staring at? Let's go! Load it up! Anything you can put in your pockets. [The Goonies grab gold doubloons, pearl necklaces and expensive jewelry. Data is about to take gold coins from a scale but Mikey slaps his hand away, since it's booby-trapped, though he and the others don't seem to know it] Except that.
Brand: Why?
Mikey: That's Willy's. Save that for Willy. Anything else.
Mama Fratelli: [aims her sword at Mouth and Stef, forcing them to walk off the plank] Go join your friends, you weasels!
Sloth: HEY, YOU GUYS! [jabs a dagger in the ship's sail and he and Chunk slide down]
Stef & Mouth: Chunk!
Mikey: Chunk!
Mama Fratelli: Sloth?! How did he get out?
Chunk: Sloth, save them! Save them, it's Mouth and Stef!
[Sloth swings on a rope and grabs both Mouth and Stef, saving them from the plank]
Chunk: Yay, Sloth!
Mikey: Chunk!
Chunk: No, it's Captain Chunk!
Mikey: Brand, we can't go. We can't leave all that gold. That's our future.
Brand: No, Mikey, we stay here, we got no future. Now, come on. We'll come back for it later.
Mikey: [moping in disappointment] All that rich stuff.
Brand: COME ON! [grabs and drags him]
Data: [lighting up the last "candle" as it sparkles] Hey, this is a funny candle. It's sparkling.
Brand: It's not a candle…
Mikey, Brand, & Data: [alarmed in horror] IT'S DYNAMITE!!!
Mikey: Sorry, Dad. We had our hands on the future. But we blew it to save our own lives. Sorry.
Mr. Walsh: That's all right. You and Brand are home safe with your mom and me. That makes us the richest people in Astoria.
Sheriff: [seeing something in the distance] Holy Mary, Mother of God. Look at that.
[Everyone turns around and see One-Eyed Willy's pirate ship appearing from behind the rocks]
Reporter: Ladies and Gentlemen we're at Cauldron Point, and what appears to be a pirate ship…
[The Goonies and Sloth all watch the pirate ship sailing out into the open ocean]
Mikey: [blowing a farewell kiss for One-Eyed Willy] Bye, Willy. Thanks.

Taglines

[edit]

  • They call themselves "The Goonies." The secret caves. The old lighthouse. The lost map. The treacherous traps. The hidden treasure. And Sloth... Join the adventure.
  • The pirates map, The villainous crooks, The underground caverns, The booby traps, the skeletons, The monster, the lost treasure, and the magic that is... THE GOONIES
  • It's excitement all the way as Steven Spielberg and Richard Donner, the makers of 'Indiana Jones', 'Gremlins' and 'Superman', combine forces to create the Family Adventure of the year!

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